Internet is back! Bad facebook, good blog!

HEY YAAALL! God jule og en godt nytt år!

We finally managed to acquire internet without setting up a line which would make us have a TV License issue (Cant stand TV, computer only thanks). SO!
Its christmas, and for many of us here in Norway its no big deal. This is my first norsk xmas and after the julebord I was dragged too Im really looking towards it! Ive been told many things and it seems to me, at least in my experience here, that christmas hasnt become the dried husk of capitalism worship it is in England.

Ribbe, check.
Pina kjøtt, check.
Grøsris, check.

On my way!! Still, Im going to miss my family this year, like never before. Though, my mum, ever the wonderful being has sent me a "care package" via mail. Dont know whats in it until it gets here, but I know, I know, what a woman. Love you mum!
Need to send my family their stuff next...

Norwegian or Polish electrics I dont know, but, in our lovely new flat, I accidently nearly killed myself. Luck played with my life that day, as our cooker stopped working. I look under to check why and find a lose high voltage plug set. Trying to get a closer look I press two fingers on the exposed part and get a nasty shock. Later, when the landlord sent an electricion around, I was told that two fingers got a shock and a sore hand, one finger could have easily killed me.
Heres a photo of the plug before it was fixed (For free!).



BAD FACEBOOK!
I didnt really apreciate this until I read an article revealing the secret trade of your pictures over the net. Any pictures you put on facebook, legally become their property. So, a picture of you might end up on those horrible pics of girls or boys that are single and want to have sex with you. Well, if your good looking anyway...this is making me sound very arrogant, but still my point is THEY CLAIM OWNERSHIP!!
No thanks, fascist gits.

SO!

BEHOLD THE HALLOWEEN MADNESS! (I did promise pics didnt I?)

The Dubliner, is a very high end Irish themed pub near Stortinget Station. It has a fantastic weekly session crew of folk singers, fiddlers and more. Im proud to say my girl is one of the singers welcomed there. However that night although the music was still themed, the patrons were more towards the darker side...(The pic on the bottom is me and my girl, Ingrid.)

In other news, the xbox is back and is being well used. I have now officially lost my girlfriend to KOTOR, a game as addictive as crack. (So not as bad as World of Warcraft). Im now creating a batch of flashcards to add new words to my norsk repatoir. My application for a work permit is under way after some seriously tragic beaurocratical insanity (More later) and I should be trying two job agents.

Once again, thanks for reading this little blood stain of my ireverent labours, hope you all have a fantastic xmas!

Rik.

Sinsen, Julebord and xbox.

Sinsen

Sinsen is an ok place to be. Good people, local transportation and the heating is free. The flat now has full lighting, curtains are up, furniture is in and all we are missing is the rest of the boxes. There is a few more things that need fixing, but the landlord has been more than compromising with us. Still, I cant wait to get my teeth stuck into improving this place...
Muahaha! But now we can finally have our house warming party with snacks and stuff!? Did I mention Ive done the choosing a curtain thing now? It was a horrible but necessary ordeal. Hot coals was looking good. Still, now their up we have privacy which means I don't have to squat while I run around half naked.

Julebord

Had my first julebord yesterday. For the uninitiated, julebord (translated as christmas table), is a work party set strictly around three tenants. Christmas, cheap beer and free food. I indulged in all of it. Including much dancing, verbally abusing my colleges in the parlance of my people (read scouse accent) and somehow tearing off my birthmark on my hand.

Strange night. Yet, it was a delightful experience and I was well looked after by good friends and colleagues alike.
Word of warning though, watch the akuvitt. Bloody stuff hits you like a double decker buss filled with WoW players.

xbox

Lastly I just want to briefly rave about my new old toy, which my gorgeous girl got for me, the classic xbox. I know, its old, (not that old, but old). Still, something has to be said about the purity of retro gaming. Plus, my girlfriend hasn't played KOTOR before (if you know what that means lol), so she has been playing it nonstop today. I thought that thing was for me.....

Sniff.

Anyway, still busy, going back to do some more volunteer work at the barnehage tommorow, then some much needed christmas shopping before IKEA trip!
Busy but better. Still waiting for that blogger meet! Come on people!

Thanks for reading.
x

New flat, new problems...

Far from another moan, the expression "may he live interesting" times comes to mind. On my birthday I got a few presents, non more surprising than to be told by our new landlord that we could move in that evening.
Right there and then, I new something would go wrong. Though bless her, my girl Ingrid was an unstoppable supply of smiles and small giggles.
The single mother who left did so with speed. I can understand why, with two kids, 32m2 was no place for them.
Within five minutes I had already worked out what I affectionately call a "shit list." This is a list of "shit" things that need addressing. One of which was a lack of working lock.
Thankfully the next day I stayed in the flat for seven hours while a locksmith was called and new locks installed. I met the landlord, but did not get a chance to tell him about the other problems:

• shower and taps coming away from the walls,
• toilet seat broken,
• shabby and unsafe shelving in the cupboard,
• painted over light switches,
• exposed electric socket,
• exposed bell (talking visable electric contacts)

The list goes on.
Still, we managed to fix the toilet seat, locks are good meaning we can now leave the place. Then of coarse the hot water stops. Now I realise we are on the top floor, but after leaving the tap going for around five minutes? I could hear Bob Geldoff screaming.

Meh. Ingrids mother keeps telling me to stop moaning and work on it and I am trying to do just that. I think maybe that I am just sorely disapointed with the disapearance of Norwegian high standard of living you know?

Anyway, its cheap, free heating, good position and the kitchen? Oh dear gods the kitchen is awesome. Very Ikea.

Oh, and theres this very strange thing attached to the wall that noone can Identify. Ill get a pic of it for you but it kind of looks like a small slate screen attacthed to an exposed (albiet painted over) cirtcuit board.

Thanks for reading.

R

A curse on both your plumbing!!!

HATE PLUMBERS! They make chains of badness!

Allow me to explain. As you might already know, me and my girl are currently living with her parents. Its not so bad, but we have been led along. Led along by people being led along. Unfortunately for the young mum (two kids), who is currently waiting to move into a bigger home, she is at the un-tender mercies of plumbers.

Ever heard this line?
"Oh yeah, it will be finished today/tomorrow."

We'll they've told her this nearly five times now, and as a consequence she has told us this.
We still have no certainty other than the finality that we will at some point in the near future be moving in!!

ANyway, this post is more of a moan than anything else. Obviously it could have been much much worse, but it isn't, so I'm moaning about this. So there.

Well I feel much better.

On the good front, I got paid recently! With more coming! Its not much, but coming from nothing its a hellalot!!

xx

News from the front...

SO things are coming together albeit very slowly.
Sadly my barnehage job has been delayed while the boss goes on a holiday (she did have two other part timers to sort out, but still...). So, I find myself facing the great enemy: Boredom.

Thankfully I've not been tooo idle. Returning to my Norwegian studies has been easier than I thought, right now I am re-digesting some notes on norsk preposijions (gotta love em) and recalling the worlds I learned through conversation. Im still finding more difficulty in hearing norsk, but I am getting there. As usual, speaking isnt the biggest issue for me. :p

Also, my other job working the doors has offered me some work in the interim, which is nice. Beginning to love drunkan Norwegians, especially when they join me in singing to Billy Joels Piano man. Thanks Jonas, I needed that. Good people there.

The move is going along, today we move the last bulk to my girls parents house. She's got a good family there, honest, loyal and kind. Hell theyre footing the bill for the damn deposit! Litt hjelp min rumpa! Add humble to that list.

So! We should be moving into our new place next week, around the middle. Its going to be damn messy when it starts but there is something pure about actually having a place! After 6 months of living out of a suitcase and not buying a single luxury item (well, maybe alchohol...), I really appreciate the small things.

Thanks again to anyone following my little misadventure, especially those that leave me little comments. Its good encouragement. I'll try to return the favour.

R

2 jobs down and a new place!!!!!

OK! Luck has finally struck and while I'm dragging my legs around thanks to a series of child induced colds and chest infections; im smiling.

Last week I got a call back regarding a Vikar Barnehage job (Read: 0 hour contract), in the same week I was given a night job by a good friend of mine (Who can be swayed by bourbon, not the biscuit).
Top this off with a new flat for me and my girl to live in which we move to in the coming couple of weeks! Not forgetting that in November I'm going home for a few days (with an empty suitcase!).
I'd like to thank Thomas for that second job as a door man, Suzanne for that tip off about the barnehage work and finally for my beautiful norsk girlfriend who has put up with me in more than one way!
Ive always said this would be about baby steps but this step felt like a big one!

Also, I would like to thank the kind encouragement I recieved here. ALthough I had intedned to post far more here and join in the social end of this, events conspire against me. Thank you all and yes your stuck with me. Muhahahahahaha.

Ahem.


More soon!

11th hour? Not quite yet...

So, im sitting here in bed, my girlfriend hooked on a Call of Cthulu campaign book (If you don't know, its best not to ask... its scary), listening to Billy Joel and wondering what to sort out for breakfast. It was then that I realised... I have a blog...

So... Hi! Again!

So first off, what has happened since my last post? Many many things! But to help me remember them all Ill segregate them nicely below.


Norwegian, the wall hath cometh!
Okay, after the norsk kurs, trinn 2, me and some friends got together and formed a study group. Very useful. At the moment we are reading through Brumm Bjørnen, also known as Whinni the Poo! Thats right, Im reading a kids book. But, the important thing is we are reading it together, to each other. This means we are exercising utterance, word recognition in sight and sound, sentence conjugation and then finally, learning new words. The real trick is remembering the bloody things! The best way I find is to use them in conversation as many times as you can.

New words today?
å rope
verkelig
egen
altfor
Sopp
Mygg
Høylydt
Ill tell you what they mean later. The important thing is that I remembered them!! I do find that a good nights sleep helps.

Now the wall as mentioned in the tag line, hath indeedth cometheth! There is a point apparently, in every language learners life when it seems that nothing more sticks. This is where I am. I am having so much trouble making new words stick its annoying. Im this close to getting myself checked for senility. Still, I am making progress, just very slowly! Any tips would be most appreciated! Still, as a running joke between my other two study group friends, between the three of us we make a decent Norwegian student!


Job searching!

"Ahh, but you must be able to speak Norwegian to do this job."
"Men, jeg kan snakker litt norsk. Jeg har bare slutt trinn 2 av norsk kurset fra folkuniversitetet."
"Ahh, but you must be able to speak fluent Norwegian."
"Ahh. Right then."

This is me for the umpteenth time trying to secure a job over the phone. It seems simply knowing enough Norwegian isnt enough. I can understand. As a country Norway has spent too long allowing English to become a rival language. Now, they only want fluent Norwegian speakers and there isnt enough people who can fit in all the jobs available. Its weird. Even in this climate Norway has loads more jobs available than Britain. Still, it is something they need to do else in thirty years Norwegian might be a minority language. Pain in't ass mind you, for me.

After many emails, phone calls, actual visits, the only real hopes I have rest in my friends who have connections at their own workplace. So... its like most countries then.


11th hour....

Because of the EU agreement between Britain and Norway, I had 6 months free visa until I had to leave. Of course if given a job offer or contract I could then apply for a work permit and stay for good. Unfortunately for reasons above etc, it hasn't happened. SO...by November it looks like I may have to go home for a few months before I can return. A three month break as I understand it. I'm not giving up though, and still apply for everything I can.
Of course if I do manage to pull it off, well, that trip back would become one awesome holiday wouldn't it?
I wont lie, its emotionally charged situation. Still, I refuse to be stressed by it. I will endevour and try and if I get sent packing, I will try again. So there.
That said, wouldnt it be funny if it was at the last minute?

More soon!

Something useful: How to start with Norwegian, by someone who has!!!

Right! Something more useful now, some tips from me to anyone who finds this page on Google (Which is unlikely since I dont pay them). AHem, first I'll go through the torrent of books I have bougt on the subject, whats good, whats an emergency supply of toilet paper, you know.

Then, a list of tips I have received from very helpful friends.

**************************************************************

DISCLAIMER!!
This advice is no sure method! I suggest no such thing and will warn any English speakers now that learning Norwegian is very hard because most of the blighters know English in the first place! Well, English or American English (which I prefer to call FREEDOM SPEAK! apologies to any Americans reading this, if you managed to leave the land of freedom for some enlightenment.... I love you!). Indeed, it takes effort to attain what some language learners call "Immersion method" which basically entails a massive language barrier and only your wits to breach it. In essence, Its too damn easy to switch to the Queens sprakken!!!
Of course any side affects such as spontaneous enlightenment, flight, the ability to summon annoying children that say "why?" as many times as is inhumanly possible, cannot be attributed. Blame TV. I do.

**************************************************************

The Books!

Language books are evil. There is no two ways about this statement. The are expensive, call to question your intellect and effectively reduce you to the literal and spoken age of a four year old. Picture yourself for the first few days pointing at objects in abject bliss shouting "en Bil" at a passing car and "en brun bil!" at a passing Volvo. To the owner of the poo brown Volvo that passed me yesterday, your days are numbered.

Language books, for those of you who arnt familiar, are those shiny tombs of intellect that sit on the shelf in that part of Waterstones or Ark (i Norge) where you must were glasses and be carrying another such book to get in. In other words, find the graphic novels and then turn 180, and keep going until you reach the other side of the shop.

Be prepared to pay through every orifice people. For some strange reason, language books see fit to charge as much as a £100 pound (1000 Kr) for the privilege of learning another speaky speak. For some reason there are so many professional tourists out there (Def: Been the world over, but each visit was only for the length of a package holiday, and often just was a package holiday.) that the demand for such books goes up and hence the prices. I always thought education was meant to be free really but apparently thats socialism or something.


Teach yourself Norwegian.

This was my first book. This one made me feel all smart and invested and I admit, it was very useful. Its exercises and explanations were all semi academic (ie, not to smart, not to dum), and despite not even being in Norway it helped me prepare. However, once I got here I quickly realised I had been fooled. The book is out of date. Not like, smell bad, through away off more its granddads lingo. Language is alive, and books are designed to last. So it shouldn't be a surprise to see that the advice, grammar and many of the pronouns are no longer used by the current generations in Norway.
For example, De is the Norwegian word for they, but its use is also in a kind of royal you (or french Vous) which isnt used anymore. Also, the letter writing advice would get you called in for an interview just to check your age!

Usually priced at around £45 pounds, with CD, I would aim to get this cheaper. Its advice is mostly sound, but there is better...



Norwegian in 10 minutes a day.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS. If something is cheap and seems to good to be true, it will be cack and make you cry blood! Although it read well like a proper high school book, unfortunately it had some severe problems.
Not only did it contain many cultural errors (For example saying Jeg vil har det, is really like saying "Peasant! Give me that!" quite impolitely. Well its not that bad, but does make you seem like a poor tourist. For the record its best to say Kan jeg få det? Or even speaking in English until your sure.
Although a suitable exercise book and Ok for learning the basics quickly, DO NOT approach a Norwegian with this as your only tool. You have been warned.


På Vei.

Now this is the stuff. If you can get it. Abroad its very hard to find unless you know someone in the country, though I have heard you can buy it off the internet from Norwegian book handlers. Still it is worth the money. I got the Work book (Arbeid bok), the text book (tekstbok) and Id recommend the word book (Ordbok).
Its a lot but you get the professional set to get you started. It isnt easy because it is mostly in Norwegian but in the end, you would be surprised how helpful.
Strangely though, the CD that comes with the work book is for use with the text book, yet you also need another CD I have yet to find for use with the work book. Confused? Me too. But it is the set that a lot of Norwegian courses use over here, so there must something in it.


http://pavei.cappelen.no/

A great website that funny enough goes with the above set, is the free http://pavei.cappelen.no/ .
You can use this to play around with the language and although its more of a source of exercise and language level checking, its still useful to learn from. Give it a go! See how much you pick up!


A good rule of thumb in all of this is if the book is from Norway itself, it will more likely be uptodate and the real deal. Always avoid books designed for the aforementioned professional tourist.

Right, Im tired now, and Ive got to get my tooth drilled out again. The fun never stops! Next time Ill set up a list of bullet points of helpful advice I have gotten from friends here. If anyone wants to post a comment on the books listed here or can recommend any, feel free.

xx

Further investment and THE PLAN....

Hello again.

Yes indeedy, after my very somber post last time things have once again began picking up! Although still jobless and with income from a very unreliable job, I still have faith in what I am doing. OK its more of a "leg in a bear trap" attitude really, but it works the same!

SO... what have I been doing, and what will I do next!

I just today, signed a moderate sum of money on a norsk kurs with Oslo Folkuniversitetet, trinn 2. Very delightful group of people, who tell me that not only can I back out before with only a 500Kr penalty, but I can also change level if it feels wrong. Not bad for private. Well, public charge 5000kr to the English, probably because they only want the smart money making ones. Ha! Try and stop meh!

This course though, digressing a tad, is on monday, tuesday, onsdag, and thursdag. err. You know what I mean. 48 hours of hard core Norwegian action. Four lessons a week from 1 OClock.

Just what I need. Heck, even my lovely girl Ingrid has started me on a diet of Norwegian TV! Also, my very own private teacher will be helping me get to a point where level 2 will be possible. I get a nice certificate after it too!
Lastly, with the remaining spare time I figure I will work voluntarily with the Salvation Army, and do my money earning football job in the evening. Ahhhhh Routine, where have you been!


I dare to reckon....... this will all put me in a place where getting a contractual job is possible, if not easy!
Well, nothings easy, else it wouldnt be worth it. Still, if my only problem is the language, then the answer is simple... the language must die.

Anyway, enough positive thumping from me, I'll be back soon with something a little more visual, and maybe something a little more bloggy!

Who knows?
Who knew?

Klem!

R

Investing in the future...

Its been a long while since I posted last. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Allow me to explain.

The problem that is in moving to another country to stay is in what you are capable of. For me, it seems that everything is locked away until I can speak the tongue. It's understandable. Norway, as far as I can tell, has already had its era of being laid back to the lazyness of the "incomings."

Still, I digress. Of late my mind has been torn between caution and intent. Caution, telling me to keep my exit close to hand and pondering on the lovely familiar England. Then intent, telling me that there is only one problem I have to solve. The language. Something that apparently I am making fairly good headway on.

So. Eventually, the latter has won. Now I have two odd jobs to keep my money coming in, which is something considering. I am also joining a norsk kurs from Folksuniversitat in the aim to catch up with three weeks intensive courses. Either way, this is my intent.

It needs to be said though, that none of this would be even remotely possible without my girl Ingrid. Though, I do have my family back home ready to support me if I need it.

Strangely, I found out recently that I havnt contacted my family for too long. My father was worried I was on the streets! Makes you think just how easy is it to forget your not alone.

Anyway, this is a bit sombre in tone today, but hopeful. To those who know what I'm blabbering about, you're not alone. To those who don't, try it, it's not so bad to charge into something different.

My advice to anyone comming over without any erm "special skills," is to acquire as much learning on Norwegian as possible. As I said, this is really the only true obstacle in getting work here. Well, I say true obstacle. Its just as difficult as anywhere.

Anyway, thanks for reading, apologies about the lack of detail and I'll get back in touch soon.

Rik

Three weeks... (And the police are idiots...)

Well, as expected but not quite in this fashion, my time here is growing short. It is a long story, so bear with me.

Last week my girl Ingrid had a rather strange phone call from the police who demanded access to her flat. She was told not to contact anyone else regarding the matter. When her flat mate turned up, the police followed her in saying not only had the place under survailance, but that they had a warrant to search the premises.

All very scary.

They never showed the warrant (though admittedly Ingrid's flat mate was so shocked by the whole ordeal that she never thought to ask!), and went to half arsed search. It was apparently evident that they had got the wrong address.

When asked, a police man apparently said:-

"we were expecting a drugs nest of Africans."

....

I'm not even going to go into how bad that one little bit of wonderful dialogue is. However, despite asking to confirm the address they WHERE IN, when told the street, the police person then repeated the WRONG street name. Then, the police continued searching for another few moments and left. Let me be clear about this. They went through all of our most personal and intimate belongings.

They also asked about me. What did they ask you say?

"How ethnic is he.
He's british.
Still, how ethic is he?
..."

Thank god they never saw me... lets just say my erm "black irish" roots make me a little of the "durka durka." Savee?

When we inquired further it turned out that the police dept handling the investigation was on the other part of outer Oslo.
WTF?!

Now I'm obvisioly missing out some details here quite frankly because I think my Ingrid and her flat mate have had their personal space invaded quite enough. But you see, there in lies the problem....

Not only is the poor old landlord worried, now the flat mate has quite understandebly decided to quit the place. She will be gone by November. Not just this, but again quite understandebly, the Land lord is showing concerns and we will now have to honour the Subteneant law by ensuring Im sorted in...

You guessed it... 3 weeks.

Do or die marine Hoohaa!
Hell, ultimetily either I will still be here and all jobbed up or Ill be going home.

So!
All quite dramatic. Very American. Sorry, I'll save the pseudo racism for the professionals shall I?

Now, I'm converting my CV into norwegian, (which was hilarious because I have the vocab of a five year old!!), and then Im visiting the local barna hager!
At this point, Im going for it. Ingrid is looking for a little somewhere for me to live alone for a few months while I look for the permanent income to pay for it! :) After all, we are team Ninja-badger-pirate!

No Ingie, we are not team hobbitz.
Ok maybe.....

Phew, rant over. Wish me luck yaal! Cant wait to see you Bloggers next 18th July! (If its still on?).

Oh and I went to Tysen Fryd!
More on this soon...

Takk!

Busy, Busy and very lost!

Wow, what a week its been! Where do I start... Ah from the beginning!

Ny jobb!
So a distant relative of Ingrid's gets in contact with us about a job for me, which is spooky because noone told him I was in need of one. He speaks to me over a mobile phone from Malta, and tells me he needs me to be a Football commentator.
I'm not religious, but if God exists hes got a sense of humour alright. I'm about as football mad as a brick, though to be fair, I've known some "bricks" who were football fans.
So, as I dream about fearfully commentating like them on TV, the next day he emails me and explains its for an internet betting agents.
Still, its money.

And getting there!? Bloody hell! Not only did I get the time mixed up and thought it three hours earlier (which strangely helped), the match had been moved. I spent about 200Kr on bus travel and the ticket and if my maths is correct, spent over four hours on a bus or waiting for one.
Ouch.
Still, its money.

So, my first game? A womans match at Telanor Stadium for the fantastic Stabæk Vs Arnø-Bjørna (sp?) match. The stadium was large, with only the hardest of the hard core fans, and there was me with my big backpack (dont go anywhere without it), shouting down the phone things like "Danger Home." Etc. Went through two phones batteries and had a fantastic time.
In the end, persivearing paid off in that it felt worthwhile, and the money I'll get will pay for the travel costs at least.
Heh, now I can say I used to do this for a living.
But I'm not stopping here...

"I have a dream!"
After talking with a good friend of the family, it seems Norway is in great need of "male" teachers. Especially in kindergarten. The reason I have quoted the male there is that here in Norway they believe that both males and females need to present as a child grows up, just like in a family. Im no psychologist or whatever, but they also didnt have the massive media hyperbole we had back in the early 90's about Gary bloody Glitter and his "lot." You know what I mean.
Anyway, I figure that I want to reignite my old desire to be a teacher (stop laughing at the back!), but of course while my Norwegian is still coming along, its best to start small. Literally.
Turns out I have the basic qualifications anyway and anything I need I can learn on the way there or during.

First time I actually have a martin luther you know what I mean?

Anyway, got a fish curry to start and another match to go to.

Thanks for reading.

R

Boredom is the great enemy. (That and badgers...)

Bored. Very, very bored. I knew this was always going to be my greatest enemy here in Norway but how right I was I did not know.

I recently read an article on the "immigrant spirit" of Americas golden age. Back in the days of Ellis island and all that. Having read about the determination and single mindedness, it really got my zoom back. I suppose its all about attitude, and lets face it, English culture really emphasises the put down.

On the tooth front, I am gonna need two more Operations in August it seems. Got a temp filling that feels like tip ex in my mouth. Erk. Still, at least its sorted. For 4800Kr. Not too expensive considering the prices of the wonderful British NHS. Whats more interesting is the two apointments are not until August, so I guess its another reason to make sure this move works.

Leg in a bear trap. Nothing more motivating.

Yes, yes. Anyway, my pursuit of any form of job has taken an odd angle. As language is now virtually essential, I figured I might as well do something useful with my time (as opposed to watching TV, shudder), so I have been enquiring for voluntary work at local schools. Although at the moment Im sorting out some form of income, what I really want to do is start in the education stuff.

My first email went off today to the Oslo international school. I hope I can get some good exprience while Im not doing anything with my time! Wish me luck!

On other war fronts, Ive asked Ingrids mor, to help me with my listening Norwegian. Seems I can translate written easily enough but the hearng bit I lack practice in. I wonder if setting up a "language group" of friends could work? You know get a group of people at different levels all learing the lingo, come together each week to practice talking with each other. Sounds partly stupid, partly genius. "Stupius!"

So, anyone reading this who is in Oslo and likes the idea of a "language group" let me know. Or else please feel free to through critic at me like all the mash potato.

I miss mash potato...

Toof ache....

Well.... whats the one thing you dont want to happen when youve just moved to a far away strange place? Appart from being keel hauled by the rampaging and very famous badger pirates, there is also toof ache!!!

It is the one low end ailment that will stop any attempt to do the fun stuff in the day, not to mention the important stuff! Like, eating, studying norsk, sex, you know!?

ANyway, got handed this magic stuff (as opposed to the other magic stuff which was like rubbing snot in my cheek, which funnily enough warned for no "mucas membrane contact"), which helped tremendasly. Except as I later realised, its designed to stop gingervitus.

Bollocks.

ANywho, nursing myself through the third day, being reminded just how much of a pain wuss I am. (Sorry for keeping you up baby!) Its wierd, but I think I would take a bullet just to stop this. I might be wrong, but I would.

Scary.

Well, that feels much better. Thanks for reading.

The cat hates my whistle...

Well as it seems my girlfriend (girl fienden? Nei, nei, nei.) likes musical instruments, ive been given a whistle to practice with. Its cheap, easy to learn and is apprently a great entry level instrument for anyone wanting to play something more like the guitar, without actually lumping out for one.

Bare Bra!

Except... My girls flat mate has a cat... and it hates my practice sessions. Seriously, the second I start she gets up and starts protesting at me. Runs off, waits until Ive stopped and then comes back in again to restart the whole process. I actually think I cause it pain!

Anyway. I kicked it out. SO! Back to the practice!
Oh and please, no whistle jokes.... I heard them all.

NEVER ASK A NORWEGIAN FOR DIRECTIONS! (Unless their on a boat)...

Ahh, yes. I have finally got my damn Skatta Kort! (trans: tax card). Love walking down Schweisgate and seeing the building called Skatt. Mo, you would love it.

I digress. I recently discovered some wonderful facts:

1. Anyone from an EA or EAU country (I think I got this right), gets an instant visa pass to get over for up to six months. Including a temporary tax and personal code. Yay.
2. You dont need the whole work permit until you actually acquire a permanent job, as opposed to seasonal work etc.
3. NORWEGIANS CANNOT GIVE DIRECTIONS!!!!!!

Allow me to explain the last factoid as I want to get this off my chest.

I was looking for the place where I acquire my work permit. Think like a job centre. Only I was told by a reliable source (humph), that this was simply the local police station (aka politihuset or sumin). Heres what happened.

• Police station No 1, Tøyen. Good man at reception gives me directions to a location which later turned out to be a good way away from his pointing hand. Think like 90 frakin degrees!
• After wandering for an hour around Schweirsgate (ring a bell?), I walked along the road following his misguided instructions by looking on the right hand side of the road! Walked all the way into Oslo. On foot. Before giving up.
• Went to the tourist informasjonen and pleaded my case while having Norwegian trolls tend to my feet blisters (though I suspect I was hallucinating. I hope so.), got map and marker to show me the way!
• Went back to last location and following the map, stared at a building for some time wondering why such a service would be in an empty building which technically wasnt on the map to begin with! After asking in the local Kommune building, and waiting for fifteen minutes, I was told I was no where near were I needed to be. Showing the work permit forms I got another map marker and directions. I also got told it wasnt my fault I was British. Nice.
• Neste! I followed the instructions to the UDi building in Olso Sentrum and found myself amidst asylum seekers and pleading failed immigrants. Lots of people, lots, and I lost count of the many languages and cultures there. After realising that I was going to be waiting for well, a day, I began reading leaflets. Lone behold! I found one saying ahem: "Any EA or EAU citizens may apply for work permits via the local police stations." Growling more than I probably should, I stormed out heading to the police station down the road. (The Udi building was actually the first set of directions I recieved apparently)
  
• When I got there I was greeted by a fantastic young lady who calmly explained that I actually needed to go around the corner to the utenlander department wot not, but.... they were closed today....
• Next day! (Three days in) I headed out nice and early and went in like a shot... to find out I was in the wrong place. I thought the english past time of dragging a policeman across the desk wouldnt have gone down well so I calmly followed his directions and made sure to kick a puppy on the way out. (What? I kid! It was a cat).
• Following the next directions and trying not to get lost among the growing markers on my now very bone weary map, I found it. Right back on Scwheisgate. On the left side. I went in. I queued up and within a few moments I was sorted. Except I didnt need a work permit anyway...

If you think actually reading this tragic tale of a man in a strange land was hard, TRY DOING IT!

I believe that genetically, the races of Scandawegia (meh), have become so adept at seasmanship and sea navigation, that they have become completly inept at land based navigation. Much like in England, as our skills in drinking ourselves into footnotes of Darwins theory of natural selection (as in the "we wont be in the next chapter bit"), we become absolutly crap at well, all sports. Just look at Arsenal if you dont believe me.

Phew. Well I dont know about you, but I feel much better. SO...
If you are looking for directions in Norway (and you are on land), DONT ASK A LOCAL!
You have been warned.

Invasion commencing - Establish beach head.

Well I'm here. I arrived last Friday and I've been here for four days now. I'm still holding my breath so to speak, as it hasn't sunk in yet that I'm not on holiday. Though the last few days have certainly felt like it!

First thing after landing in Torp airport (and then going onto the longest coach ride ever! - Thanks for making it interesting Naveen!), me and Ingie went straight to the local park and frolliked on the swings like a pair of emo fukwits. Very fun! Definitely going to have to do this more often. I even got to borrow this fantastic jacket with a Kiss logo on the front (Of which certain people back home will doubtless kill me for - you know who you are...).
Onto the Dubliner for an evening session of folk music drawn from both English, Irish, Scottish and even Welsh styles. The Dubliner by the way is an awesome "Pub, Pub." As in not a wine bar. Sorry Wetherspoons, you fail. Drinks are not cheap but the atmosphere is bloody priceless. Expecially as little Miss Ingie was part of the session crew, singing amongst expert fiddlers, whistlists (sp?), and erm, guitarists etc. You get the idea. Anyway, I ended up babysitting a very energetic young half Scot half Norwegian who knew little English. I think he learn't as much from me as I did him as we tried to make sense of one another.

Sunday saw ups and downs in a terrifying 40 deg sun, queuing up for a massive swimming pool, open air called Frognerparken, only to find the big pool was closed until Monday. Damned if I was paying 15 quid to get in. Still, we found a quiet spot in the park and relaxed. Not half bad.
For the evenings entertainment we went back to the Dubliner for another session as above. There Ingie introduced me to a friend of hers, a f***ing brilliant bloke who I'll call R, who had moved over from Scotland some 15 years prior. He offered to show me the way to deal with the work forms, how to play the whistle and show off his sailing boat!

On Monday we retried to visit Frognerparken's swimming pools and it was well worth it! Heat enough for an insta-tan, warm semi chloreend pool (as in less Chlorine than us brits use) and finding out that not swimming in twelve years can cause hilarity. Doggy Paddle for the save. I'd forgotten how great an excercie swimming was!
Oh and had more of the Norwegian hot dogs (with cheese in the middle - oh yeah!).

Today, the aforementioned sailing! Never been in a sail driven boat on the open sea. Seeing R's missus panick as we Keeled and went sideways was fantastick. As far as I was concerned, if R wasnt panicking I sure as hell wasn't going to. (Well... show it at least). Learnt a hell of a lot that day, and I saw my first Moose, a calf that thought it was a dolphin as it swam between the islands in the Fjord. Crazy.

Now, for the technical bit, I.e. Making a permanent stay here possible, I've decided to do the following: I'm going to break down any future posts into three categories, keeping it all as organized as I could. Really, this just represents the three most important things in staying here, the language, the job and the bloody social life (ie, have fun etc and not go crazy).

Language.
Ok, adding onto what I have learnt in books and previous visits, thanks to Mr R, I've got a place to check out for a course to go on. He never found much use, but he's still relativly fluent after two years. I think I'll try it!

Job.
Got a part time thingy next weekend to get me started. But, I now have a few connections even before I've been able to bother the local job agencies. Still, got a few lined up once I've sorted out my buerocrap.

Social life!
Made some great friends, some I already new, others I've already met. Strangelt most of them are people from the UK and Ireland living abroad. Others are Norwegians who've been exposed to the wonders of above said countries. Excellent.

Anywho, that will do for now I think. I'll be putting up a few links for the places I'm going to next time I get chance to sit down at my laptop for more than a few seconds!

Miss you all!

Folk Museum!

Ok, lots of pics in this one. I'm still compiling all the photos from my last four day venture. God damn I love my K800 phone.

This is the entrance to the inside part of the folk museum. The outside stretches the area bigger than liverpoool city centre!

It had all sorts of news paper clippings, items and general stuff taking us back through the last few decades. Strangely, along side things such as Aha's big break into Brit pop, sat news on the Falklands war. Our countries certainly take an interest in each other.
Still, it was awesome to see an example of my old Commodore 64, the Xwing fighter from the eighties and duck hunt for the Nes. How much we take for granted.


I'm a city boy apparently, as told to me by a young lad called Nicky. I saw the ants below and freaked. Well not freaked but got a bit shocked. Let me make this clear. The average Norwegian ant is about three times the size of our smaller British cousin. It has a bright red back (fire ants anyone?) and are those ones that build giant mounds against trees.

Can you see them?


Here are some of the older buildings that were either built on site or actually transported from their original homes. You see the Norse peoples kept there old homes in such good nick the didn't need to make recreations at all. Kind of puts McDonalds' pre-fab buildings to shame really considering.



Ok. I found my natural talent in this one. Turns out I have a pretty good sense of balance as I discovered when I tried my luck on these stilts.
Maybe I should get some?

In the building below they had some kind of flat lommerbrod (sp?), which was made using the traditional style using a fire, hot rock, two wooden knives the size of my arms and a lot of flour. Slightly sweet and disturbingly addictive.
Recommened.



Quick quiz. Can anyone guess what this is? Beautifully modeled by Ingrid. :)
Answer in the next post.

Tea! I need my cup of tea! (Trans: Jeg trenger kopp ta! Well I think thats right..)

On this day, I was invited to meet up with Ingrid's mother and aunt in Oslo itself. They took me to a fantastic tea and cake kinda place in a square called Wessel's plass. I forget the name of the place but as it was described to me as formerly very high class, but now enjoyed by many.

After that I went about town.

Seriously though, check out the Marzipan cake below.
Shiz!







Awwwwww.........













Can you see the family resemblance?
I think its in the smile :)









Ahh the famous Norwegian Kaldtbord, open sandwiches for us brits. The idea is probably enjoyed by many lazy folk around the world, but this my friends is an art form.

















Oslo was described by some old writer (who actually hated the place) as a city of tigers. He was in-fact commenting on the cities previous reputation for vice and how it would leave a dirty mark on your soul.
Don't know what that guy was smoking frankly, but hey, that was written back in the 19th century. Heh, its the first place I've been in where the locals could say "things arn't what they used to be" in a positive spin!

Love you Liverpool ;)

Hell I've always found Oslo a super "common sense" place decorated with dozens of funky alternative stores, traditional and historical sites and a sense of identity that knows who it is and is damn comfertable with it.

Ironically, some arty kids thought it would be well, ironic, if they planted a giant bronze tiger in-front of the main railway station.
Some don't agree that this is smart or even funny.
What do you think?
And what would Liverpool's patron animal be? And dont say the liverbird, please!






Good kitty...










See that Balloon below? That's advertising, Norwegian style.
I think the next one advertised wonder bra (I wish...)

Botanical madness!

Ahh, plants and trees. Everything I have been avoiding in my life. Yet... the botanical garden in Toyen was beautiful. Six years ago I would have been racing around trying to drag my parents away so I could go and play crazy golf or something bright and flashy.

Still, I'm sure you will agree, it aint bad for the middle of May. 15 degrees sun, cool breeze, sushi outdoors and discovering a type of bird you had never seen or heard of before. I know, but the notion just never struck me really. Did you know their crows have white bits?

Veldi Gal!

:)

The preliminary go-over (PICS!)

Here are some pics from my most recent visit and my last "visit" before moving over and beginning the painful process!
Ahem.


These fist pics were all taken on the coach from Torp Airport. 15 Degrees in the sun, it was the first time I had seen Norway's countryside at daytime.

Ok, now where was I?

I've finished copying the diary enteries I put on facebook during my few stays over in Oslo. I took the time to go through all the fantastic support and interest I had from that too. Makes me feel awesome inside.

Truly though, putting the notion that I'm some sort of "Forlorn hope" or something, I do hope other people give this a go. Especially while they can. Whats the worst that can happen? Excluding rampant badgers etc. Thats just stupid.

Seriously though, thanks to all who gave me that boost of confidence!
Hope I continue to provide some sort of entertainment.

Rik

Taste of Norway part five (As taken from Facebook)

Hi guys,

I had a very strange and wonderful evening last night. I was lucky enough to be invited to Ingrid's brothers birthday party (he's 30 now poor soul), which turned out to be very enlightening. Imagine it. 15 people, friends and close family, each one knows at least two languages. Three of them know around five. Here I was with my two: English and baaaad English.
Thankfully they didnt always speak in English for me. Why am I being thankful? Simply this, I want to learn. It can be done, but the trouble for us English speaking folk lies in the fact that most Europeon countries teach English as a second language and do it properly!
I'm glad they were reluctant to dum it all down for me, not because I was a guest but because I should know another language. I shouldn't simply sit down and say 'well they know English so I don't need to bother.' I had a fantastic conversation with three individuals: Nico, a Haitian who learnt English to speak to his now wife, who knows french, creol and Norwegian. Sigsbjeorn (Hi bestefar!), an academic in languages who knew more about the history of language than I thought possible. And, finally, Bernard: A French man who despite being funny and incurably charismatic was still French, so I have to beat him at Trivial pursuit (apparently about as likely as me competing in the high jump.) Oh Bernard knew about at least three languages, so I have to learn three now too... Viv la France....;)
Point is, I saw a world beyond and I wonder whether (as a good friend Roy Calder once said), that British culture makes us self depreciate ourselves. Make us unable to achieve, go further. I'm beginning to see what he was taking about.
If you have never done it and you still can (i.e. dependents depending), then get out there and get somewhere else, anywhere. If not to see what that place is like then to compare it to home and see what home is "really" like.

Later the next day I was out at the viking ship museum, looking at three vessels over 1000 years old and the single solid evidence we have about the infamous vikings. Its amazing how much we apparently know about them came from so little. Thank god I had my camcorder with me.
I also noticed the air is dry here, maybe thats why they call it 'Norwegian formula hand cream?' :)

ANyway, that's my nightly rant for today.
Thanks for reading.
Rik. (Jeg Hetair Rik! Jeg er Britisk! I HATE CRABS LISA STOP SAYING IT!) :)
xxx

Taste of Norway part four (As taken from Facebook)

07 November 2008

Hello readers! Thank you all for the complements.

Anyway.
Today I discovered another lovely thing about Norway. The rain.
The temperature dropped today during the rain, which you could actually see turn to sleet!
Saw more of Oslo city, this time the other half as Ingrid showed me the civil defense museum. Got to see what gun my grandad used during the war. :). You can buy shell casings here as big as my forearm! Not to mention surplus materials at cheap prices. Don't think I could get some of those through British customs mind you. And they had three tanks (decommissioned I later worked out) decorating the area. T34, T72 and another rusky tank i think...

The dubliner, a gigantic pub much like the Irish pubs Oneil in Liverpool. Great food! If not expensive. 42 squid for two main course and two pints of Guinness (£7 a pint, well 1/2 liter). Like I said, food is expensive here, especially unhealthy and unnecessary food like chocolate (1.20 for a Mars bar equiv). Yet pastries the size of my hand are 80p!

Everything is in a way, rationed here. The basic mentality of the culture I believe must have been born from the early days where eeeking a living meant being sparse with everything. Even such things as smiles are few, but this is because they are worth more. Insincerity and begging are a big faux pa. If someone shakes your hand and says they are happy to meet you THY MEAN IT. Also, A gift here is a gift. Try and meet it and risk offending the other person. Its a gift, its not asking for something in return.

Damn it gets dark quick. Anyway, batteries running low and I cant be bothered running for the power cable. I'm on holiday!! Cant wait to see you all again. Noticed you are getting a lovely 10 degrees back home. Just hit Freezing here, literally.

Hvordan gaar det?
Rik

Taste of Norway part three (As taken from Facebook)

06 November 2008

Right. Done something today.
They say that the truth will set you free. In this case, it seems that the freedom set the truth.
While Ingrid was working her last day at work (shes between jobs), I decided to go on a little adventure into Oslo city centre.
Sounds simple enough.
Of course, after staring at a map in Toyan subway station for ten minutes, only to be joined by two Italians who were just as stuck, just to realise any train would do!
Oh well.
Oslo city. What could I honestly say about the place, based on a comparison to my blessed dearest Liverpool. I'll break it down.

• No scallies. Thats right. None, though there were other problems, see below.


• Poverty. It took me a while to notice that Oslo has a massive influx of immigrants living homeless on the streets while they find work in the docks or move on. They are hard to work because they dont hassle you for money for drug habits (like I said, comparison to Liverpool).


• Politeness. There are few zebra crossings as such. No need, as traffic always stop if someones waiting to cross. Its strange to me, used as I am to evading cars Jason Bourne fashion. I even witnessed a car performing a perfect emergency stop just to let someone cross!


• Impoliteness. Two sides to every coin. While the roads might be safer to cross, the people of Oslo seem nonplussed with making way out of politeness. Not once did I hear excuse me, or thank you or anything (yes, even in norweigan). Apparently, after asking around, this is because such things are reserved for family and friends and as such mean MORE to them than it does to us. Apparently while we see the Norse as being cold, they see us as being insincere our politeness forced and not well meant. They may have a point.


ANyway, to end it off. I walked around, seeing many similar yet different things. Norwegian touristy shops owned by foreign nationals, bus's that look and feel like trains (except they corner on a penny!), nearly everybody knows two languages! Barely any litter on the streets and the bins seem always just changed. Graffiti, is scarce by comparison.
Everything seems to cost more, which I reflected as I walked (talking to myself- something I should get checked I think), makes you appreciate every purchase. Back home, I realized how many things I waste and buy without using. Food here is more expensive, despite the fact that condoms are cheaper (Priorities oh government of mine?).

Still, I saw the Fjord from its edge, and walked up the bizarre roof of the opera house. Half frozen solid, it was still a fantastic view from the top. The sun is so low here! Heh, getting down was almost as much fun!

Well that's it for today. Bit more thoughtful than usual I grant you, but I calls em like I sees em.
And tomorrow, or" i morgen" Ingrid is off and taking me to see the defense museum! So, I'll be happy then :)

Miss you all!
Let me know how you are!
Rik.
x

Taste of Noway part deux (As taken from Facebook)

06 November 2008

Ok, now I am starting to notice the cold here. Its different to English cold, drier, doesnt soak into the cloths you wear more bits anything open to air. (did that rhyme?)
Finally got a local sim card working in a crappy old Nokia (which Ingrid loves very much so I'll have to be careful :))
Yesterday was mostly uneventful, stayed in and watched movies which I most certainly did not download. Leg was giving me hassle, gonna have the thing replaced with a cheetahs when i get back.
My Norwegian is getting better every day.
Jeg vil snakken Norshk Na Jeg Kun. But I'm still making those wonderfully British mistakes.
Still no yorkshire pudding...
Yesterday I also met Ingrid's parents again, they're house is amazing! Lots of old stuff, books etc, which they have far more appreciation for then we do. Grand father clock et al! Food was gorgeous, and I realized that sometimes, trying to eat everything is bad. I've seriously got to cut down my portion size :).

Anyway, today I'm going around town on my own, armed with a local mobile, and get you by Norshk. Lets see how I do eh?

Until next time!
Hada Bra!
Rik.

Norway, a first impression (as taken from Facebook)

04 November 2008

Well, I've had my first day here, already used 260 Crowns! Still, the sight flying over the fjord (the big river like opening) was simply amazing. At night, you really get to see where everyone lives.
Still, the flight was longer than expected because I don't work well with international times! Then, I left my laptop in the baggage area of this huge coach (which turned out to be wifi capable!) and traveled a further hour and a half! SO all and all, last midnight I was tired and hungry.

Then, after food and sleep, I found the good news. Ingrid's apartment (renting at £400 approx), is big. And, its professionally made. Starting to hate British constructions already.
Went to work with Ingrid, which was, well boring. Only the red headed beau company kept me from going insane while I got to know the area and started picking up the speech. (more on that later).
QUick side hit, Norwegians have got it down with hot dogs. Jesus H Christ! Bratwurst with bacon rolled around it! Half the fat of British counterparts! And they have Norweigan Scouse... which tastes very similar to scouse scouse.

Anyway, missing my family and my friends (including the Cex Lords! Hi guys!).
I'm off to a pub! (that's right, they've got them too.)
Until next time,
Rik.

The story so far...

Ok, so this Blog was created after I started taking this venture so seriously. However, I will firstly post up (via the art of copy and paste) the previous musings I made during my initial visits. Specifically, I usually try and note all those weird little differences that I found between the cultures. I'm no personologist person, but well.... meh.

Ahhhh Velkommen til Norge! But not yet...

Hi! Hei and welcome. You will be witness to either a fantastic success story of one common as muck Brit making a new life abroad, or trying to.

I will ask the question: Can it be done?
I'll be recording my antics here, hopefully as a lesson of what to do, or... not what to do.
We shall see....


In the beginning...three months ago...
From what was originally a romantic story (guy meets girl, girl is Norwegian and has to go home....), came the decision that many average Brits simply never even think about making:

I am going to move to Norway.

Lets get this into perspective. I have no friends and family over there (well I didn't), no money making talents, no preset job arrangements and most certainly no language knowledge. SO! Why do it? It could be that my beloved girlfriend is over there and I'm not. It could be that I am so bored with life here that I want a change? Or it could be that I want to at least say I tried to do it. Not many can say they've done that!

Anyway!
Emmigration day is 29th May! Tickets have been bought! I have bought the tickets!

Key points of interest then: -
Language
Job (or jobs)
Place to live
Yorkshire Puddings.

Oh, yeah, there are NO YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS in Norway...