Busy, Busy and very lost!

Wow, what a week its been! Where do I start... Ah from the beginning!

Ny jobb!
So a distant relative of Ingrid's gets in contact with us about a job for me, which is spooky because noone told him I was in need of one. He speaks to me over a mobile phone from Malta, and tells me he needs me to be a Football commentator.
I'm not religious, but if God exists hes got a sense of humour alright. I'm about as football mad as a brick, though to be fair, I've known some "bricks" who were football fans.
So, as I dream about fearfully commentating like them on TV, the next day he emails me and explains its for an internet betting agents.
Still, its money.

And getting there!? Bloody hell! Not only did I get the time mixed up and thought it three hours earlier (which strangely helped), the match had been moved. I spent about 200Kr on bus travel and the ticket and if my maths is correct, spent over four hours on a bus or waiting for one.
Ouch.
Still, its money.

So, my first game? A womans match at Telanor Stadium for the fantastic Stabæk Vs Arnø-Bjørna (sp?) match. The stadium was large, with only the hardest of the hard core fans, and there was me with my big backpack (dont go anywhere without it), shouting down the phone things like "Danger Home." Etc. Went through two phones batteries and had a fantastic time.
In the end, persivearing paid off in that it felt worthwhile, and the money I'll get will pay for the travel costs at least.
Heh, now I can say I used to do this for a living.
But I'm not stopping here...

"I have a dream!"
After talking with a good friend of the family, it seems Norway is in great need of "male" teachers. Especially in kindergarten. The reason I have quoted the male there is that here in Norway they believe that both males and females need to present as a child grows up, just like in a family. Im no psychologist or whatever, but they also didnt have the massive media hyperbole we had back in the early 90's about Gary bloody Glitter and his "lot." You know what I mean.
Anyway, I figure that I want to reignite my old desire to be a teacher (stop laughing at the back!), but of course while my Norwegian is still coming along, its best to start small. Literally.
Turns out I have the basic qualifications anyway and anything I need I can learn on the way there or during.

First time I actually have a martin luther you know what I mean?

Anyway, got a fish curry to start and another match to go to.

Thanks for reading.

R

Boredom is the great enemy. (That and badgers...)

Bored. Very, very bored. I knew this was always going to be my greatest enemy here in Norway but how right I was I did not know.

I recently read an article on the "immigrant spirit" of Americas golden age. Back in the days of Ellis island and all that. Having read about the determination and single mindedness, it really got my zoom back. I suppose its all about attitude, and lets face it, English culture really emphasises the put down.

On the tooth front, I am gonna need two more Operations in August it seems. Got a temp filling that feels like tip ex in my mouth. Erk. Still, at least its sorted. For 4800Kr. Not too expensive considering the prices of the wonderful British NHS. Whats more interesting is the two apointments are not until August, so I guess its another reason to make sure this move works.

Leg in a bear trap. Nothing more motivating.

Yes, yes. Anyway, my pursuit of any form of job has taken an odd angle. As language is now virtually essential, I figured I might as well do something useful with my time (as opposed to watching TV, shudder), so I have been enquiring for voluntary work at local schools. Although at the moment Im sorting out some form of income, what I really want to do is start in the education stuff.

My first email went off today to the Oslo international school. I hope I can get some good exprience while Im not doing anything with my time! Wish me luck!

On other war fronts, Ive asked Ingrids mor, to help me with my listening Norwegian. Seems I can translate written easily enough but the hearng bit I lack practice in. I wonder if setting up a "language group" of friends could work? You know get a group of people at different levels all learing the lingo, come together each week to practice talking with each other. Sounds partly stupid, partly genius. "Stupius!"

So, anyone reading this who is in Oslo and likes the idea of a "language group" let me know. Or else please feel free to through critic at me like all the mash potato.

I miss mash potato...

Toof ache....

Well.... whats the one thing you dont want to happen when youve just moved to a far away strange place? Appart from being keel hauled by the rampaging and very famous badger pirates, there is also toof ache!!!

It is the one low end ailment that will stop any attempt to do the fun stuff in the day, not to mention the important stuff! Like, eating, studying norsk, sex, you know!?

ANyway, got handed this magic stuff (as opposed to the other magic stuff which was like rubbing snot in my cheek, which funnily enough warned for no "mucas membrane contact"), which helped tremendasly. Except as I later realised, its designed to stop gingervitus.

Bollocks.

ANywho, nursing myself through the third day, being reminded just how much of a pain wuss I am. (Sorry for keeping you up baby!) Its wierd, but I think I would take a bullet just to stop this. I might be wrong, but I would.

Scary.

Well, that feels much better. Thanks for reading.

The cat hates my whistle...

Well as it seems my girlfriend (girl fienden? Nei, nei, nei.) likes musical instruments, ive been given a whistle to practice with. Its cheap, easy to learn and is apprently a great entry level instrument for anyone wanting to play something more like the guitar, without actually lumping out for one.

Bare Bra!

Except... My girls flat mate has a cat... and it hates my practice sessions. Seriously, the second I start she gets up and starts protesting at me. Runs off, waits until Ive stopped and then comes back in again to restart the whole process. I actually think I cause it pain!

Anyway. I kicked it out. SO! Back to the practice!
Oh and please, no whistle jokes.... I heard them all.

NEVER ASK A NORWEGIAN FOR DIRECTIONS! (Unless their on a boat)...

Ahh, yes. I have finally got my damn Skatta Kort! (trans: tax card). Love walking down Schweisgate and seeing the building called Skatt. Mo, you would love it.

I digress. I recently discovered some wonderful facts:

1. Anyone from an EA or EAU country (I think I got this right), gets an instant visa pass to get over for up to six months. Including a temporary tax and personal code. Yay.
2. You dont need the whole work permit until you actually acquire a permanent job, as opposed to seasonal work etc.
3. NORWEGIANS CANNOT GIVE DIRECTIONS!!!!!!

Allow me to explain the last factoid as I want to get this off my chest.

I was looking for the place where I acquire my work permit. Think like a job centre. Only I was told by a reliable source (humph), that this was simply the local police station (aka politihuset or sumin). Heres what happened.

• Police station No 1, Tøyen. Good man at reception gives me directions to a location which later turned out to be a good way away from his pointing hand. Think like 90 frakin degrees!
• After wandering for an hour around Schweirsgate (ring a bell?), I walked along the road following his misguided instructions by looking on the right hand side of the road! Walked all the way into Oslo. On foot. Before giving up.
• Went to the tourist informasjonen and pleaded my case while having Norwegian trolls tend to my feet blisters (though I suspect I was hallucinating. I hope so.), got map and marker to show me the way!
• Went back to last location and following the map, stared at a building for some time wondering why such a service would be in an empty building which technically wasnt on the map to begin with! After asking in the local Kommune building, and waiting for fifteen minutes, I was told I was no where near were I needed to be. Showing the work permit forms I got another map marker and directions. I also got told it wasnt my fault I was British. Nice.
• Neste! I followed the instructions to the UDi building in Olso Sentrum and found myself amidst asylum seekers and pleading failed immigrants. Lots of people, lots, and I lost count of the many languages and cultures there. After realising that I was going to be waiting for well, a day, I began reading leaflets. Lone behold! I found one saying ahem: "Any EA or EAU citizens may apply for work permits via the local police stations." Growling more than I probably should, I stormed out heading to the police station down the road. (The Udi building was actually the first set of directions I recieved apparently)
  
• When I got there I was greeted by a fantastic young lady who calmly explained that I actually needed to go around the corner to the utenlander department wot not, but.... they were closed today....
• Next day! (Three days in) I headed out nice and early and went in like a shot... to find out I was in the wrong place. I thought the english past time of dragging a policeman across the desk wouldnt have gone down well so I calmly followed his directions and made sure to kick a puppy on the way out. (What? I kid! It was a cat).
• Following the next directions and trying not to get lost among the growing markers on my now very bone weary map, I found it. Right back on Scwheisgate. On the left side. I went in. I queued up and within a few moments I was sorted. Except I didnt need a work permit anyway...

If you think actually reading this tragic tale of a man in a strange land was hard, TRY DOING IT!

I believe that genetically, the races of Scandawegia (meh), have become so adept at seasmanship and sea navigation, that they have become completly inept at land based navigation. Much like in England, as our skills in drinking ourselves into footnotes of Darwins theory of natural selection (as in the "we wont be in the next chapter bit"), we become absolutly crap at well, all sports. Just look at Arsenal if you dont believe me.

Phew. Well I dont know about you, but I feel much better. SO...
If you are looking for directions in Norway (and you are on land), DONT ASK A LOCAL!
You have been warned.

Invasion commencing - Establish beach head.

Well I'm here. I arrived last Friday and I've been here for four days now. I'm still holding my breath so to speak, as it hasn't sunk in yet that I'm not on holiday. Though the last few days have certainly felt like it!

First thing after landing in Torp airport (and then going onto the longest coach ride ever! - Thanks for making it interesting Naveen!), me and Ingie went straight to the local park and frolliked on the swings like a pair of emo fukwits. Very fun! Definitely going to have to do this more often. I even got to borrow this fantastic jacket with a Kiss logo on the front (Of which certain people back home will doubtless kill me for - you know who you are...).
Onto the Dubliner for an evening session of folk music drawn from both English, Irish, Scottish and even Welsh styles. The Dubliner by the way is an awesome "Pub, Pub." As in not a wine bar. Sorry Wetherspoons, you fail. Drinks are not cheap but the atmosphere is bloody priceless. Expecially as little Miss Ingie was part of the session crew, singing amongst expert fiddlers, whistlists (sp?), and erm, guitarists etc. You get the idea. Anyway, I ended up babysitting a very energetic young half Scot half Norwegian who knew little English. I think he learn't as much from me as I did him as we tried to make sense of one another.

Sunday saw ups and downs in a terrifying 40 deg sun, queuing up for a massive swimming pool, open air called Frognerparken, only to find the big pool was closed until Monday. Damned if I was paying 15 quid to get in. Still, we found a quiet spot in the park and relaxed. Not half bad.
For the evenings entertainment we went back to the Dubliner for another session as above. There Ingie introduced me to a friend of hers, a f***ing brilliant bloke who I'll call R, who had moved over from Scotland some 15 years prior. He offered to show me the way to deal with the work forms, how to play the whistle and show off his sailing boat!

On Monday we retried to visit Frognerparken's swimming pools and it was well worth it! Heat enough for an insta-tan, warm semi chloreend pool (as in less Chlorine than us brits use) and finding out that not swimming in twelve years can cause hilarity. Doggy Paddle for the save. I'd forgotten how great an excercie swimming was!
Oh and had more of the Norwegian hot dogs (with cheese in the middle - oh yeah!).

Today, the aforementioned sailing! Never been in a sail driven boat on the open sea. Seeing R's missus panick as we Keeled and went sideways was fantastick. As far as I was concerned, if R wasnt panicking I sure as hell wasn't going to. (Well... show it at least). Learnt a hell of a lot that day, and I saw my first Moose, a calf that thought it was a dolphin as it swam between the islands in the Fjord. Crazy.

Now, for the technical bit, I.e. Making a permanent stay here possible, I've decided to do the following: I'm going to break down any future posts into three categories, keeping it all as organized as I could. Really, this just represents the three most important things in staying here, the language, the job and the bloody social life (ie, have fun etc and not go crazy).

Language.
Ok, adding onto what I have learnt in books and previous visits, thanks to Mr R, I've got a place to check out for a course to go on. He never found much use, but he's still relativly fluent after two years. I think I'll try it!

Job.
Got a part time thingy next weekend to get me started. But, I now have a few connections even before I've been able to bother the local job agencies. Still, got a few lined up once I've sorted out my buerocrap.

Social life!
Made some great friends, some I already new, others I've already met. Strangelt most of them are people from the UK and Ireland living abroad. Others are Norwegians who've been exposed to the wonders of above said countries. Excellent.

Anywho, that will do for now I think. I'll be putting up a few links for the places I'm going to next time I get chance to sit down at my laptop for more than a few seconds!

Miss you all!